Why saying NO is important for our health

The power of saying 'no' has positive effects on our brain. Saying no gives your brain a shift in thinking and reacting making it easy for us to make better decisions for ourselves. If you are someone who has struggled to say no most of your life, then you must have also gotten into situations where you really didn't want to be in, then you need to read on to learn the skill of saying no. 

Often times, saying yes even when we don't really want to, means that we ourselves, are looking to gain something from the experience, with the other person. I used to be like that a year ago. I said yes to each and everything my spouse said or my friend wanted me to do even when I didn't want to do so, because in my mind, I hoped they will see this pleasing and friendly side of me and love and respect me even more for sating yes to them always. Hence I was looking for deeper love and connection from the other person by agreeing with them all the time. To be honest, I never got that respect or love in return and I never felt more lonely. 

Saying no is not always the word "no". Saying no can mean you taking your time to reply or you consciously deciding whether a conversation or situation will not harm your mental health and know how to divert from it or saying no to unwanted thoughts and unwanted words that come out of our mouth. All of this gives us control over ourselves. And when we achieve a certain control over our thoughts and tongue, we gain a new perspective, where we no longer want to please other people for the love and respect they might give us. 

I would say my overall health improved when I started to live consciously. I sleep a lot better, less health issues (nasal allergies are reduced for me), less stress, focus on positive sides most days, and a lot more happier. Overall for all the peace I feel inside me, I give all credit to my saviour, Jesus Christ, who said, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus". Philippians 4:6.7

Here's how I learnt to say no.

1) Learn to manage your thoughts:

We all have unwanted negative thoughts all the time. While at work or while cooking or before bed. Whenever we get these unwanted thoughts do the following: 1) recognize these thoughts, 2) label your thoughts (negative or positive), 3) can you do something about the thoughts (will you be able to change the situation?) 4) is it helpful?, 5) if these thoughts are not helpful in anyway, then shift to a positive thought quickly, 6) give yourself to god and relax. 7) we cannot have power over all situations, it's not in our hands to control everything, 8) God is in control and he knows your situations and your heart, so relax.

2) Be genuine

Be genuine towards others. I understand that certain situations does require you to be smart about your response, but overall you need to a genuine person towards your colleagues, friends and family. You don't need to put on a show to make people like you. They will like you more when you are real. It also means that you may say no to them when you do not feel comfortable with a situation or you need time to think. You can suggest a different idea or you can explain why you said no, and be honest about it.

3) Don't highlight the negative aspect of explanation

Don't be overly critical or highlight the negative of the situation of person when you want to express yourself. Be compassionate towards others even if you're much irritated towards them. You can try to understand their perspective as well. 

4) Do not Overthink

If you feel that you may have hurt someone by saying no or may have lost respect and success towards a person (your boss, a friend) when you stood your ground, then please don't overthink about it. Let yourself make mistakes too and forgive yourself quickly. As much as you can forgive yourself, will you forgive others too. The more blame you put on yourself for hurting others, you will keep tabs of other people's wrongdoing to you too.

5) You will feel more confident

Having control over your own emotions and decisions gives us confidence. Confidence lets people know that they can rely on you. And mind my words, people love someone who has confidence. And I'm not talking about someone who's loud and boastful. But a quiet and calm confidence on which people can rely on. People are drawn to those who have a sense of calmness in them, learn to be that.

6) Understand yourself

Sometimes we think we can do it all! I used to do it all even when I felt tired and didn't want to do it at all. And yes I did expect my husband to notice that and thought he will appreciate me all the more. When he didn't notice, I felt hurt and kept the logs of all the wrong things he said to me. Should I blame him for my frustration? NO. I started to learn about myself and accept the fact that I'm not a superwoman and I do need a time out now and then. I do not think about all the undone work because I know there will always be a tomorrow and I can take my time to finish a chore. It's not going to hurt anyone in the house. Ultimately, when I'm happy, I can keep my family happy.

I hope I could help you in someway. I'd love to know your opinions and thoughts on this topic. Please leave a comment below to let me know what you think.

Click Here to browse amazon.