How to parent a child with adhd/autism

 Parenting is hard in all it's sense. Whether you have a child with adhd/autism or a neurotypical child, it seems that in todays' world, parenting a child is quite tough and exhausting. With the added load of jobs and house work like overloaded laundry, the dirty dishes, cooking special meals and entertaining our kids all the time so that they become social creatures and not just stare at their phones all day.

Source: Google

Us millenials are really trying to balance out between how we grew up and the modern times! Maybe that is the reason why we are so exhausted. Our parents did not care so much about what we felt and how they should be talking to us and which games they should be playing with us. And somehow we did manage to grow up nicely. 

I'm not trying to say modern day parenting is wrong, because I'm a modern day parent myself and I do most things today's parents do for their children. We buys so many of their favorite toys, let them watch the phone for long, give in to their needs of eating junk food and the list goes on. The times have changed, it's true when they say, it takes a village to raise a child. But now so many families live far from their home lands. Uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, all live in different cities and therefore our children depend on phones for entertainment and closeness and all the pressure of education and entertainment has been put on parents only. 

It's tiring, I understand...but let's look at how we can help child who has adhd or autism or any other learning difficulty. 

First of all please know that an adhd or autistic child's brain works differently. They do not think or act the same way as a neurotypical child does. My son was diagnosed with mild adhd and autism when he was 2 years old. He did things differently. But how he acts, is normal for us. So what I'm trying to say is that ACCEPTANCE of who your child is; will be the first step towards learning how to parent your child with adhd or autism. 

1) Let them stim

Stimming is a way for your child to stay calm and focused. It can be running around, jumping, making certain sounds, fidgeting, looking at objects from near, scripting, or anything else. Don't stop them from stimming. Let them have their space when it's not bothering anyone. Specially at home, let them have their space and comfort. You can always correct them if you are in public, if they are able to understand and follow your instructions.

2) Teach waiting skills

You can teach waiting skills by teaching them to count by saying count till 10 or count till 20 and always pick a random number for counting and don't keep the counting the same time/number. You can teach counting slowly as well as fast. The time should always vary.

3) Always reward good behavior

Children thrive in a positive environment. Rewarding the good more and ignoring the negative will help the child know that good behavior is expected. A reinforcement can be positive or negative. Sometimes when we show anger towards our child when they do wrong, it may become their reinforcement too. They will not stop doing what they did wrong, but may do it again and expect the same negative reinforcement from us. Actions have consequences is the best practice to discipline a child with adhd or autism. For eg. if they throw a tantrum when we say no to something, then we remove one of their favorite toys. 

4) Don't help all the time

I know this sounds old fashioned, but let you child learn on his own. Even if you think with your help they will learn better; they will not! Everybody learns from experiences. It's better for our children to learn themselves when they are small than they doing it when they are adults and when people do expect a certain level of understanding from them.

5) Let them learn from others

Do not jump in (in small matters) to help your child always in school or play areas when they are with other children. All children are mischievous and with families who have a large number of kids they are quite rough! Let your child engage however they want to and have trust in them that they can deal with other kids their way too. 

6) Be Soft but firm

Ok, here's the deal, nowadays parents are going after the gentle parenting tactic or being a friend kind of parent, including me. That makes our children confused, whether we are their parents who guide us or friends who do crazy things with them. We should always stay on the side of being a parent but in a gentle way. There has to be a balance between being authoratative and being too soft.

7) Multivitamins

Most children on the spectrum or who have adhd have sensory issues or just very picky eaters. They only prefer certain items, at certain times and at certain places only. Otherwise they DO NOT eat at all. And I mean, they will stay hungry for long. Make sure to give them multivitamin every day.

8) Potty Training

Potty training can be done with simple two work instructions as well as posting visuals on the bathroom door and telling them they need to go inside when they feel like going. With my son, I had printed out boy sitting on a toilet picture, a by brushing his teeth and taking shower and pasted the all on the bathroom door. The first month, whenever my son started to do potty or pee in his diaper or on the floor, I would immediately tell him these words > pee-go toilet! and the action followed by > I picked him up and sat him on the toilet. With everyday consistency, he learnt well. Now he goes all by himself.

9) With age everything changes

My fellow parents of children with adhd or autism, I would love to hug you tight because I know how it feels and what stress or worries you must be going through. I have been through it all and sometimes still struggle. But don't worry everything is God's hand and with time things change. Our children will learn to speak and write and do much more with God's help.

10) Encourage them in whatever they love to do

Do not take away their favorite things to do. It doesn't matter what others think. If your child loves to line up toys, they are geniuses. Let them do it. If your child loves to sing, encourage them to do more of it. If your child has sharp memory, let them memorize more. Let your child grow in all they can. 

I hope I could help you in some ways.

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